We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
