We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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