So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize