i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
