we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
