A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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