I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
