I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
