i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
