Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
