I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
