whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
