kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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