tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
