do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
im holly from the hills drunk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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