I need help removing her.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
