she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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