oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
