if you like me you must not know who I am
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
