yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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