idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
