Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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