I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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