speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
