There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish there were birth control emojis
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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