I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
