I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
