I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
