We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I smell stomach acid.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
