my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
