Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God, I missed his penis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
