Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I want a musical about memes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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