if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
