when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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