if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
