what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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