He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize