So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
