FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
