like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
