I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize