I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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