I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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