When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
