No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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