UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
