blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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