Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
