Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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