I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
