Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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