i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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