we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
