after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize