we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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