He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
