Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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