Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
