i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
