plz talk dirty to me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
