Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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