Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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