tell your sister to shave her snatch
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
