fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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