Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
