Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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