Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
