...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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