standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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