He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
