just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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