roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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