Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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