We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
