I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
