If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
