my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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