She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
