____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
