why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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