Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize