I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
