how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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