i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
