Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We need a shit load of segways right now
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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