So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
