We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
3pm strippers are depressing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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