Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
