Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
