puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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