she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
