Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize