i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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